


Silver Springs Murder Monkeys

by Brumeier



Series: Unexpected Discoveries 'Verse [3]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: ushobwri, Friendship, Gen, Monster Hunters, Reality TV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 20:42:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4934572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>We’re here in Silver Springs, Florida to investigate a colony of rhesus macaque monkeys. Since the late 30s, these wild monkeys have flourished along the Silver River, though their origin is unknown even now. Are they escapees from a Tarzan movie set? Or were they released by a local man to enhance his boat tours? There are those that claim some of these monkeys were released from a lab. Reports of attacks by these genetically altered, highly aggressive monkeys have been increasing in frequency since the early 90s. The Mysterious Unknown team will investigate to see if there is any truth to these stories.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silver Springs Murder Monkeys

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to kick off [ Monster Fest 2015 at the You Should Be Writing](http://ushobwri.livejournal.com/82020.html) comm on LJ. It’s for the 10/5 topic: Experiments. I figure genetically altered killer monkeys would fit the bill there. ::grins::
> 
> There will be more ficlets to follow, random bits of this 'verse in no particular chronological order. I hope you enjoy them!

_We’re here in Silver Springs, Florida to investigate a colony of rhesus macaque monkeys. Since the late 30s, these wild monkeys have flourished along the Silver River, though their origin is unknown even now. Are they escapees from a Tarzan movie set? Or were they released by a local man to enhance his boat tours? There are those that claim some of these monkeys were released from a lab. Reports of attacks by these genetically altered, highly aggressive monkeys have been increasing in frequency since the early 90s. The Mysterious Unknown team will investigate to see if there is any truth to these stories._

“I’d like to go on record as saying this is one of the stupidest things we’ve ever done.”

Kyle sighed. _You’ve already gone on the record four times, Rodney. I think it’s safe to say that at this point it’s moot._

 _It’s a moo point_ , Laura whispered with a giggle. She followed it up with some cow sounds for emphasis.

Rodney rolled his eyes, not that anyone was there to see it. He was at base camp, set up not far from the river where they’d had a ride in a glass bottom boat earlier in the day. He was communicating with the rest of the team via radio, since they were out in the field for the after-dark investigation; the fans really loved the night vision cameras.

Genetically engineered monkeys. Please. Although Rodney supposed it was par for the course with Kyle. Go tramping around in the woods looking for something that potentially wanted to eat you. And really, how else were they supposed to tell the regular monkeys from the killer ones, without offering themselves up as bait?

There was certainly no shortage of the hairy things; during the boat ride they’d seen scores of them swinging around in the oak trees and down on the riverbank. They’d seemed fairly harmless to Rodney, though he had no desire to get up close and personal with them. Then again, he wasn’t too keen on sitting around in the dark where the gators could get him either.

“We should get some personal defense weapons,” Rodney said. “I want to be able to defend myself from predators. And don’t tell me we’re in no real danger, Kyle.”

 _Not now, Rodney_ , Kyle replied tersely. _You see anything on the monitors?_

There were three laptops set up on the equipment cases, one displaying side-by-side images from the four trap cameras and one with a display from the four infrared perimeter cameras. The third laptop ran a live feed from the cameras Evan and Laura were using out in the field.

“Monkeys. But since none of them are wearing hockey masks or carrying chainsaws, I couldn’t say if they’re the ones you’re looking for.” Rodney studied the displays intently. This was what he’d been hired for, his tech expertise and his ability to multitask. The sarcasm was just a little something extra he threw in.

The first laptop pinged, meaning that one of the trap cameras had been set off. Rodney studied the image, which wasn’t great. Whatever animal had passed in front of it had been moving fast, leaving only a vaguely furry blur of something that might or might not have been a tail. Not enough to warrant contacting Kyle.

Rodney had never been fond of monkeys. They were too intelligent, for one, and they survived solely on instinct. People tried to keep them for pets, but he remembered a story in the news from years ago about a woman who’d literally had her face ripped off by her formerly delightful pet monkey. Wild animals were always dangerous, but paired with that nearly human-like intelligence it made Rodney incredibly uncomfortable.

_Kyle for Ronon._

_Go for Ronon._

_I found some bones. I don’t think they’re human, but they’re still pretty big._

_Send me your coordinates._

Ronon looked exactly opposite of what Rodney always imagined a nurse to be, even a male one, what with the tattoos and dreadlocks and giant stature, but he was their go-to for identifying possible human remains that didn’t come with a handy skull attached.

_You getting this, Rodney?_

“Unfortunately.” Evan had a nice close-up of the bone pile with the night-vision camera, and Kyle was right; some of those bones looked pretty big.

It wasn’t long before Ronon and Laura joined Kyle and Evan, the four of them squatting around the bones while Ronon picked through them.

_Best guess? I’d say a horse. Hard to be sure without the head._

“What the hell would a horse be doing out here?” Rodney asked.

_Beats me._

Kyle shrugged off his backpack, which sent his POV camera bobbing. _Let’s get some measurements, take some pictures. We can get them analyzed later._

They all carried little evidence collection kits in their packs: rulers for measuring footprints, or in this case bones, collection bags, and quick-dry casting agents to make molds. Rodney watched them work, until movement on one of the perimeter cameras caught his eye.

There were rhesus monkeys on the move, swinging down from the trees and loping through the viney undergrowth. In another second all four cameras were recording movement, and Rodney counted no fewer than twelve monkey on the ground headed his way.

“Uh, base for Kyle.”

_Go for Kyle._

“I’ve got a large group of monkeys heading this way.”

The perimeter cameras lost sight of them, which did nothing for Rodney’s nerves. He didn’t have a spare night vision camera or a thermal detector, but he did have a heavy-duty flashlight. The second he clicked it on shining eyes were reflected back at him from about ten feet away.

“Shit!” he hissed into the radio, fumbling for a moment with the flashlight. “They’re here! What do I do?”

 _Keep calm_ , Ronon instructed. _We’re on our way._

 _Don’t make any threatening moves_ , Kyle said.

“That’s not very helpful.” But Rodney kept himself as still as possible. “Please don’t be murder monkeys. Please don’t be murder monkeys.”

Base camp was surrounded; he could hear movement behind him and off to the sides. He couldn’t watch all the monkeys, so he kept his eyes on the ones right in front of him. Their pink faces were oddly washed out by the flashlight’s beam.

When the monkeys were about six feet away they stopped, and just stood there staring at him. It was creepy. They didn’t make any noise, didn’t even seem to blink. It raised the hair on the back of Rodney’s neck, and on his arms, and all he could think about was being attacked by all those monkeys. So many sharp teeth and agile hands, pulling his skin apart like rice paper. Just like whatever that unfortunate pile of bones used to be.

_Rodney? We’re almost there!_

Before Rodney could reply one of the monkeys opened its mouth and let out a piercing scream. One by one the others joined in until Rodney’s ears were ringing with it. He screamed back at them even as he dropped down to the ground, curling up in a protective ball. He was certain it was the end, that his genius was about to be extinguished in the middle of fucking _Florida_ of all places.

And then the screaming monkey voices cut off all at once, the silence they left behind almost as loud.

“Rodney!”

“McKay! Where are you?”

Rodney heard his friends, knew they were close, but he couldn’t make himself get up. He stayed where he was, arms curled over his head and knees against his chest, his heart beating so hard it made him dizzy.

“Hey. McKay. It’s all right, they’re gone.” Ronon, talking softly and running his hands over Rodney to check for injuries.

Kyle was never going to let him live it down, Rodney was sure. His face burned with embarrassment as he let Ronon help get him upright. Laura stared at him with wide eyes. 

“Holy shit, Rodney! That was terrifying!”

“No kidding,” he replied shakily.

Kyle grabbed hold of Rodney’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “Are you okay?”

Rodney nodded. Kyle gave his shoulder one last squeeze and then turned to Evan, who was doing something with the laptops that Rodney couldn’t see.

“Did we get anything?”

“We got enough. The webcam caught some of the monkeys behind McKay, and all the microphones picked up the screaming. Jesus.”

“Nice work, Rodney!” Kyle said, beaming.

Rodney wanted to punch him in the face, but Ronon was suddenly back in his personal space with his stethoscope and blood pressure cuff.

“Take some deep breaths for me.”

Despite everything, Rodney felt himself relax. No-one seemed to think any less of him for screaming like a girl and not facing down the monkeys in a more manly fashion. He’d never been more terrified in his life, but he’d survived it. He never wanted to do it again.

“We need another field agent,” Laura said. “Rodney shouldn’t be alone at base camp all the time. It’s not safe.”

“I’d be willing to discuss that,” Kyle replied agreeably.

At the same time Rodney protested, “Oh, no you don’t! I’m perfectly capable of running base camp on my own! I don’t need anyone poking around my equipment.”

“He’s feeling better,” Ronon said dryly. “I suggest we pack this up and head back to town.”

“I second that.” Evan looked up at the treetops. “We’re outnumbered out here.”

“Thanks for that, asshole.” Laura punched him in the arm.

Everyone pitched in to pack up the equipment and collect the cameras. Rodney made himself a solemn promise: he was _never_ coming back to Florida.

**Author's Note:**

>  **AN:** I know. No John in this one. He'll be in most of them, at least I think he will. ::grins:: 
> 
> Laura's _moo point_ line was totally borrowed from Joey on _Friends_. And Rodney won't be able to keep his promise about not returning to Florida - in the original fic he had yet another unhappy field experience there.


End file.
